Ingenue
by jeanyves
Summary: Bella escapes Forks to London to work as a high-class call-girl after a tumultuous past that has left her soul broken. What happens when Edward and Jasper find her in the city? Who will she choose when they're at odds? BxJxE
1. Sanctuary

**Authors Note: I was listening to Mono "Life in Mono" while writing this, if you'd like to experience it the way I did.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters represented in this work. All rights belong to Stephanie Meyer of the Twilight series.**

* * *

I woke up in a daze.

The moonlight was streaming through the openings of the blinds dancing on his skin. I could still smell Chambord on his breath. 3 am. It meant that I had to leave. I brushed my hair into a ponytail and slid on my silk dress. It felt cool against my bruised and bloodied skin, and I exhaled in relief. In the dark I could only manage to fumble a few buttons closed, but I didn't care. I felt dirty.

Twenty minutes and a thousand pounds richer, I was on my way home. The cab smelled faintly of cigarettes and leather, soothing in a nostalgic way. This is the way I have been living my life for the past two years. The brakes squealed and I was lifted out of my sleep, peering out of the window to see that we had arrived at my flat. I tipped the cabbie and tried to slip out of the car with as much dignity as possible. I was home.

My name was Eve in their world. I liked the name, she was the first temptress there ever was. I was every fantasy they could dream of, every pinup they'd secretly adored while their wives and girlfriends lived in utter oblivious bliss. I have to admit, it did send me on a power trip, realizing how foolish men were. Awing over tits and such. Quite hilarious when you think about it actually.

"Today was a good day." I announced to no one.

I bundled the cash into a paper bag and put it in the crook between the floorboards and the wall. I had nearly 40,000 American dollars saved all over my apartment. For the one bedroom hellhole that it was, it was a veritable goldmine.

My flat had but one wrought-iron bed and a chaise lounge by the window for reading. Hardly much to look at, but cozy. And it was my home. What could have been mine and Edward's.

A sharp pang ran through my chest thinking about him again.

It had been five long years since I had seen him, and we had not parted well. Life was too difficult with him, and without him. I started to feel my face get hot, and the all-too familiar feeling of tears brimming at my eyes. It was too late for this. I stepped out of my dress and left it in a red pool on the floor. The sheets felt good against my bare skin. Cold and soft, enveloping my body while I drifted off into my slumber. Just as I shut my eyes, an early morning rain pitter-pattered against my foggy window pane, lulling me to sleep.

* * *

Morning came too quickly, and I couldn't sleep through the uncharacteristically blinding March sunlight that came in through my window. I was barely aware of anything when I sensed_ it_. He had been here last night. I couldn't explain how or why. But I knew.

A million thoughts ran through my head in panic. Was he in London? Why was he here? How could he have found me?

I walked around the perimeter of my flat looking for any evidence of his presence, but as always there was none. He was too careful. My mussed hair hung in my face as I stared at the ground, almost as if it was admitting defeat. I was a mess. If not for him, I might have been happy. I might have been a normal 22 year old. I felt the tears well in my eyes once more, and this time I surrendered to them in the shower. Cleaning off the remnants of last night's client, my salty tears blended in with the fat droplets of water that fell in the shower around me. As insignificant as the emotions they represented.

I couldn't continue to live in my own self-pity and remain in this sorrowful state for long. It would lead to my own demise. I had never thought so much as to cutting myself, but if I could die, I suppose I would in that way. Feeling the life literally drain out of me as I watch myself fade into the next life.

Over the past couple years, I had entertained the thought of suicide four or five times. The first was after the rape, the second after Edward's departure, and subsequent times in near-madness longing for his touch. But I had made it thus far, and I gathered the determination to trudge on another day.

My belly thanked me for a thick slice of crispy toast with strawberry jelly, most of what I would be eating for the day. My appetite hasn't been the same as of late either, but I try to maintain a curvy figure for my clients. They don't like playing with sickly little things, and my body was turning into more of wiry frame.

Today I would meet with Howell, my only friend here in London, who offered me advice about this business and treated me as her sister. Howell was 32 going on 20 with a shock of short, bright, blonde hair and dark opal eyes. She was taking slow drags on an expiring cigarette when I came upon her at the cafe, dressed most conspicuously in a red backless jersey dress that accentuated her full hips.

"Feeling alright love?" She cooed.

I could already smell the alcohol on her breath. Howell was never one to deny her indulgent instincts, and she had already begun the day with a sickeningly sweet tiramisu and vodka-infused coffee.

"Yeah, just had a bad dream." I lied.

"Don't mind that, dreams are what they are. Just funny little workings in the back of your brain, they don't mean anything you know?"

I wish I could agree. I guess she could see the confusion on my face, because she sat up all of a sudden and touched my shoulder.

"Bella, I'm here."

"I know." I replied, somewhat surprised and comforted by Howell's unusually motherly instincts. I slumped on the velour chair and closed my eyes, resting my head on her shoulder. I opened them only to see two golden eyes peering back at me through the café window, across the street. Or so I thought. As soon as I thought to run out, he had already been gone.


	2. Nirvana

**Listening to "Only You" Portishead while writing this one.**

* * *

I had that lurching feeling in my stomach. You know the one where you feel like you're going to faint, and all the world around you goes a blur? Voices become muffled, and colors start to blend together like a damn impressionist painting.

That was me, while Howell stood over my slumped body on the velour chair, asking me if I needed a cup of water. My dehydration was the least of my worries at that point.

Until that very moment, I was still convinced that I was making all of it up in my head. Believing that I conjured up the notion that Edward had been at my flat the night before.

Watching and waiting.

But I knew for sure that I had seen him. Those eyes could not have belonged to anyone else.

I knew that all I could do what was wait. Wait for him to reveal his stubborn self to me, and state why and how he had tracked me down in London. I missed his touch… But happy memories of Edward came altogether with haunting and frightening memories of my past.

It had been five years, but all of it remained vivid in my mind. The happy days skewed in my memory with a soft-focus lens and confessions of love akin to Shakespearean prose coming from our lips, the arguments and his anger closer to a horror film than much else.

Howell and I spent most of the rest of our day shopping for our "arsenal" of lingerie and makeup required for our evening activities. Tonight I was scheduled with Colin, an old-money bred, American broker who liked to explore his options when he was overseas. Colin was dark-haired, olive-skinned and athletic. He had a penchant for Zegna suits and whiskey along with role play. I was happy to oblige, as he was paying me $2000 for the entire night. Colin transferred the money into my bank account, along with a slew of gifts that arrived at my door this morning.

I was nervous in anticipation thinking about tonight's fuck. He was always a good lay, but I couldn't shake the thought of Edward out of my head. His reappearance into my life was making my job more difficult.

Promptly at 11:30, Colin was laying on the hotel bed, wrapped in a cashmere robe sipping a scotch on the rocks. He had a faint flush to his face as he saw me walk in, and I could tell he had already been warming up for me. Colin also had a penchant for running up a massive bill watching pornography whenever he travelled, mind you. I could hear "All Anal Angels III" playing in the background, and from what it sounded like, a girl was taking it hard and fast in the ass.

I felt the wetness start to pool in my panties as I slipped off my Burberry trench to reveal a tartan plaid lingerie set with black lace and the black Christian Louboutin peeptoe pumps Colin had sent over this morning. Colin loved to spank during role play, particularly when I was dressed up as a naughty school girl. He sauntered over to me, drink still in hand, and kissed my lips with his icy-cold tongue, still tasting faintly of scotch.

"Hello beautiful" He uttered, grabbing my ass with his calloused palm.

I could tell that he wanted to get straight to the point, and I rubbed his strained erection through his trousers, evoking a low, guttural moan. He immediately grabbed my wrists and shoved me up against the wall, attacking my neck with his tongue.

"You like that Eve? I'm going to fuck you until you beg me to stop."

I moaned slowly and we walked towards the bed together, him clawing at the robe as he impatiently tried to undress. Suddenly, he turned me around roughly, and pushed me face down onto the covers, and started to rub my back and my ass.

I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sensation. Without any warning, he brought an open palm onto my ass with brute force. The sound of the slap sliced through the air crisply, as I was sure it would leave welts on my both my nether cheeks tomorrow. I felt my pussy get wet.

He brought his left hand onto my firm ass again.

"All I've been doing in New York is dreaming about your ass."

I let out a chuckle, only to be reprimanded with another loud spank. And another. And another. My pussy and my ass were starting to get hot, both from the spanks and the arousal.

I couldn't take it any longer.

"Please let me suck your dick Colin, " I pleaded in a way I knew he would like.

"Good girl, I'm glad you knew to ask this time." He replied.

I turned around and pulled him onto the bed, admiring his tanned skin and chiseled body. He laid down on his back, and his dick stood up to salute me, all 7 inches tall. I closed my mouth into an "O" and blew cold air onto his throbbing penis.

"That feels good baby," Escaped his lips, along with a low moan.

I stuck out my wet pink tongue and ran just the tip of it up and down his length, savoring the control I had over him. His breath became labored and I took just his head into my mouth, swirling my tongue over the tip languorously. His pelvis bucked upwards just as I took the full length of him into my mouth, making sure to test the weight of his balls in my left hand.

I wanted his dick inside me, filling me to the brim, hitting my fucking cervix he was going so deep, but I knew I would have to wait. I pumped him in my mouth rhythmically, stroking my pussy through my now soaking wet panties. I could tell he was almost on the brink, and I pushed down my panties and stuck two fingers inside myself, stroking in and out in sequence with my tongue.

I wanted my own orgasm more than he wanted his that night. I needed release, and most of all the nirvana that you experience when you come. Nothingness for those brief moments.

No worries, no sadness, no stress. I needed it today. I needed to stop thinking.

But he would come before me, spurting his seed as he slapped his dick on my face, leaving a trail of white cum. It sent me over the edge.

It took a couple strokes over my clit to bring me screaming nonsense still hovering over Colin.

But instead of my nirvana, and as if on cue, my mind played the image of Edward's eyes boring into my own from the café this morning.

Fuck.

* * *

**Apologies for the late update! I've been so busy over the holidays, it's been mad! I will get Chapter 3 out much sooner! Please review :( !!**


	3. Ancient History

**Hello all! I've been working on this story like mad and had two chapters ready to go but my computer crashed and I lost everything! So this is a little different than the version of Chapter 3 I envisioned, but I promise it's going to start getting good!**

**Please read and review, and Chapter 4 will be out later this week!**

* * *

About six years ago, I was sixteen. I was a late bloomer. Everyone by then had wonderfully curvy hips and full fleshy breasts filling out their tee shirts. I was stuck shopping in the kid's department for bras and euphemizing my stick-thin body as "the model look" up until my sixteenth summer. It was only then I had learned how powerful full C's and a bubble butt could be to the male gender. It was only then that I had learned, very naively, of raw, unadulterated, animal lust.

* * *

It was warm for a summer in Forks, I decided to stay home and out of the heat. It was 2 weeks after my sixteenth birthday and I was fiddling with a small emerald pendant Edward got me for the occasion in my underwear and a tank top. Charlie was gone at work and I was entertaining myself watching old sci-fi movies with a bowl of popcorn. In the midst of enjoying a poorly produced alien abduction, the doorbell rang. I wasn't expecting Edward, he was out hunting. I threw on some pajama pants and checked the peephole to see familiar blonde locks and a toothy smile on none other than Jasper Cullen. I rolled my eyes.

"What are you doing here mister?" I said in mock shock.

"Ahh I come bearing gifts my dear. One from Alice and one from myself."

"And that would be?"

"A belated birthday present from yours truly, and a pair of scissors and a vibrator from Alice. You might not want to get those two mixed up if you know what's good for you."

I rolled my eyes again, Jasper was at the height of too-muchery. "Well the scissors are mine, but is this her birthday gift to me? A vibrator?"

Jasper nodded and replied "Yeah it was hell waiting in front of your house with it in my hand while the neighbors walked by. She could have at least wrapped it."

I laughed and lunged for the bright purple silicone penis and the scissors. In his other hand was a tiny box wrapped immaculately in ivory silk and a big pink bow. My interest was definitely piqued.

"And this my dear, is for you."

We moved hurriedly out of the heat to my couch and he sat watching me with such innocent, glittering eyes in anticipation. I pulled at one end of the pink ribbon and almost magically, a delicate, robin's-egg blue, porcelain horse with a peridot eye was sitting in the palm of my hand. I gasped and blushed. He had remembered our trip to the antique store.

_"It was just like my grandmother had..." I gushed, carefully running my pointer finger along its delicate frame, "I don't know why I loved it so much. Maybe it's because I wanted a pony so bad. When she passed away we...we couldn't find it at her house..."_

_I looked at the price tag, $220. My heart sank._

I thought then that he had passed off my little history lesson as another one of my ramblings, but he had remembered.

I looked up at Jasper, and even he looked embarrassed.

"Well uh, you just seemed to really like it and I had the money...it's nothing Bella I was just glad to get it for you, and uh, I was going to tell Edward to get it for you but, uh, he already got you that giant rock..." He stammered in one hurried sentence rubbing the back of his neck in mortification.

I jumped and wrapped my arms around his neck hugging him forcefully.

"I love it."

That was all he needed to go back to his normal self. He was pinching my exposed hip and commenting on my new curves in two seconds flat.

"Someone's getting a little...chubby."

"It's called womanliness Jasper, something you wouldn't know about since you seem to repel the female gender." I retorted.

"I resent that remark. I do have a girlfriend, which means that I am by definition, a hot commodity to all the females in a tri-state area."

He smiled smugly and laid back on the couch in satisfaction. Appalled by his display and suddenly hungry, I placed the porcelain horse on the fireplace mantle and went into the kitchen to grab some more treats for my television marathon. I was cutting into an apple when I felt a drip between my legs. I was panicking. I knew it had to be blood. It was my first period, at sixteen. I looked down to see a big red splotch staining the front of my yellow pajama bottoms. The only way back to my bedroom to change my pants was through the living room where Jasper was being entertained by a cheesy, science fiction B-movie. I looked around in sheer desperation for anything to cover my pants, even a dishtowel, but encountered no such luck. I could feel more of the blood dripping between my legs and I grimaced.

Just as I started to fashion the front of my pajama pants with some paper towels, I saw Jasper at my kitchen doorframe, his dark eyes glazed over and teeth bared.

I stepped back, only slightly in fear. I knew he smelled the blood.

He crept forward slowly towards me, and I could see the madness in his eyes. Jasper had checked out. The vampire was officially ocupado.

Without any warning, he lunged for my legs, diving down and bringing us crashing onto the floor. I screamed and I pleaded with him. I knew he could feel my fear, but he was consumed. He ripped off my pants in one swift movement and pushed my flailing legs and arms down this the weight of his body. I felt like a little girl. I felt weak. I felt so helpless. This was my best friend and big brother, Jasper Cullen.

I thrust my hips up against him and tried to wriggle out of his grip, but there was no use. He used his teeth to cut away the strings on my cotton panties and began to lap at my folds, growling in ecstacy. Once the blood was gone, he bit at me, twice on the inner thigh. He needed more, and he was insatiable. He was a monster.

All I remember was my vision going black as I yelled out in agonizing pain, feeling his body coming crashing down onto mine as he fed and fucked me...at least until Alice and Carlisle found us that night...

It was only afterwards that I learned of things that afflicted vampires such as black lust. Occurring only as a rare phenomenon when a virgin has her first period and a vampire is overcome with madness to feed and mate. Most vampires were usually able to resist, even with the "time of the month," but rarely, others were taken over by an uncontrollable mania that evoked animalistic tendencies. Carlisle explained it to me, likening it to literally "losing one's mind and becoming a creature with purely base needs. " It didn't make me feel any better. I was afraid.

I was raped by my best friend and my boyfriend's brother.

* * *

And here he was, staring me straight in the face.

I had awoken moments prior under the unmistakable, harsh, fluorescent lighting of a hospital wearing a paper gown. I panicked and frantically pressed the "Call Nurse" button underneath my palm, trying to think of why the hell I was there.

No such luck. Shit, Colin must have been a good fuck after all.

* * *

**Sorry about the potential gross out factor.**


	4. Ailing

**Ingenue started as a story with no definite course, I was literally flying by the seat of my pants, and along the way it's been hell trying to think of what Bella's next adventure was going to be. I thank you for sticking in there through the long lapse and hope you'll continue to enjoy it!**

**I was also hoping to plug my favorite story of the moment that has made me fall head over heels in love with the sex-on-a-stick character that is Emmett Cullen. Best and most legit fanfiction I've read in awhile. For the non-EmxB shippers, give it a try...it's deliciously wicked.**

**If It's The Beaches by EmiBella**

**As always, my "recommended soundtrack" for this chapter:**

**"Beautiful" Late Night Alumni**

* * *

Jasper's mouth gaped and proceeded to open and close like a fish out of water, gasping for air, gasping for a way out. "I'll go get father then." He muttered, rushing out of the room with a quickness.

Why the fuck was I here, Why was Jasper here? I checked my plastic wristband, _Kingston Hospital_, bloody hell. I was halfway across town, with a massive headache that had to be attributed to something more than my head banging against a headboard. Wait, had Jasper said father? As in Carlisle?

And like clockwork, or some sort of black magic voodoo knowing my luck, Carlisle walked into room 303, exposing his pearly whites to match his equally important white lab coat.

"Bella, it's a pleasure to see you again. Are you feeling well? You've suffered from a mild concussion, but it seems you will be fine with a little rest and monitoring." He said, rustling through his all-important papers on his clipboard.

I glanced at the clock, 6 am. I had been here for about five hours, two minutes of them awake -and in those two, I was already strategizing how to get the of the paper gown that seemed to be betraying me, exposing my hard nipples, and out of the damned hospital period. Where there's Jasper and Carlisle, there had to be Edward.

Yet here stood Carlisle, mind you, I hadn't seen this man in three years and he was acting like we had just had tea and fucking crumpets this morning. "I'm fine, I just have a headache."

"Well, we can give you some medication for that and it should clear it right up," He replied.

"Oh dear god!" I heard from the doorway. Howell was here, her massively ostentatious fur coat swinging about on her tiny frame. It was the unmistakable sound of her "I've completely lost it" voice. She grasped at my hands, not before blatantly checking out Carlisle's bum and other bits with eyes as big as dinner plates. "Is she going to be okay?" She asked melodramatically, letting out a breath of air.

"Yes, she'll be perfect. I'll be back with some medication Bella," He gave me a knowing nod and whispered gently, "We've missed you."

Howell was a frenzy as soon as he left the room, "Bloody hell Bella, do you know that bloke? Did you see his arse..." And that's about the point where I tuned out. I was very well aware of my ex-boyfriend's father's perfect ass, sinewy arms, and package that you could practically make out through his pants -blah, blah, blah. It all felt a little incestuous thinking of him that way.

But Howell was interested. More than interested, she wanted to jump his pale, more importantly unavailable, perfectly-toned ass. She was twittering on while little images of last night started to return to my head. Including asking Colin if I could leave... I didn't finish the job.

* * *

_"I really do apologize Colin, I just don't feel well. But I'm completely willing to recompensate you for tonight, this is all I have for now. You can expect the rest tomorrow morning in your account." I put on my best sad puppy eyes for him, pushing 500 pounds towards him on the marble dresser. _

_"Don't be silly. Tonight was well worth it. Eve, that was amazing. You've discovered a couple tricks since we first met."_

_I smiled at the compliment, almost in disdain. Of course Colin, I'm a fucking professional. "Then we'll meet up another time? You'll be here for another month, am I correct?" Honestly, I didn't know if there would be another time. Edward reappearance was seriously fucking up my ability to...well, fuck basically. _

_"Yes, another time." He petted my bare leg and pushed another 400 pounds in my direction. "This is to ensure there's a next time, and it'd better be damn good Eve. I'm counting on you."_

_I smiled and threw my trench coat and heels on, shoving the money into my clutch. I didn't need any more insisting, I wanted to get the hell out of there. _

_The streets were glimmering that night, fresh from an evening shower, and the distinct smell of it was in the air. I decided to walk to Howell's place to enjoy some solitude, as I knew that she had a client tonight and wouldn't be there. I couldn't risk going back to my apartment and letting Edward find me, not before I had at least strategized what I was going to say. What could I say? "I'm a whore now Edward." I'm sure that would blow over well. Not that he didn't have any apologies of his own to dish out. _

_I crept into Howell's flat, leaving footprint-size puddles of rainwater on her precious hardwood floors. The fresh scent of jasmine and tuberose invited me in, and I breathed out a sigh of relief, not before I heard a low, muffled moan coming from her bathroom. I pressed my ear up against the door, feeling a bit pervy, to listen closer, only to hear the sound of wet, sweaty skin slapping together. Definitely sounds of coitus. Suddenly I saw the brass door handle jiggle from beneath my palm. Perhaps it was my cue to leave?_

_I turned and ran as quickly as I could back towards the front door, and fell, almost comically, head first. Howell rushed out, behind me, naked as the day she was born, skin still glistening from the shower and sex. She was going to try to help me up, reaching for my arms._

_I don't know why I even attempted to get back up with her help. The woman was fucking naked and slippery. I got up halfway and fell again, this time with the gracious opportunity to meet Howell's giant tits in my face as she fell on top of me as well. My head met the wooden floor, and hard. Doubly hard, with all 125 pounds of Howell landing on me as well. _

_And this is the part where I blacked out, which seemed to be an increasingly common thing in my life. _

* * *

I managed to make it out of Kingston half alive and preventing Howell from asking Carlisle if she could do him in the janitor's closet or some such. And rest I did, for 2 days straight.

I think I slept 11 hours the first day back, spending the waking hours in between contemplating the past six years, contemplating how I was going to face _him_ again.

One thing I knew for sure, I didn't know whether I could continue escorting. To continue to fuck, to be some rich old sap's inane eye candy. Sure it paid well, and I was good at sex. I guess I hadn't really thought the job through when I started two years prior. Perhaps I could find a more suitable job as a secretary? Bartender? Hell I was qualified, I had a college degree and more street smarts than some abysmal bank-teller, but really? Could you imagine me, dressed in a boring muted-tone skirt and heels stamping checks all day? Hell no.

I was roused from my thoughts when I heard low, bass-toned murmurs outside my front door. Fearful and half-naked, I checked the peephole. Jasper had found me again. Damn that Carlisle, didn't patient confidentiality mean anything these days?

* * *

It was just before dusk when he arrived at my apartment. The sun was hazy and pouring into my apartment, gracefully creating glimmering chandeliers out of my mirrors and the miscellaneous glasses of water I had strewn about. He knocked again on my door, running the other hand through his blonde locks. I peered through the peephole into his eyes, still bright, still full of innocence. It was hard to believe this was the man who raped me a few years prior. I panicked. I swept my hair into a ponytail and slipped on a pair of jeans. I palmed a Valium, rotating it between my fingers, just in case.

I turned the brass knob and swung the door open, eyes closed, not knowing what to expect on the other side of the door. He stood there, staring at the floor, fidgeting with his jacket zipper. The hallway light cast a warm glow atop his beautifully chaotic mess of frizzy blonde curls, creating a halo of sorts. A silence fell between us, and it was Jasper that finally let himself in.

"Bella, before anything I'm sorry..." He started in an exasperated tone.

"Jasper, we've been over this, it's been years now, and I'm fine. I've already accepted your apology, and frankly I'd like to move on." Did I sound cold? I didn't meant to sound rude. "Why are you here?" I thought I'd be blunt.

"Well I wanted to see you…" he replied, taken aback.

"No I mean…why? Why? Why after all this time? Why, after all of that, are you and Carlisle in London?" I bit back the tears and turned away from him.

He went back to his staring match with the floor, no response in mind.

"Is Edward here too? I've seen him, I've sensed him."

"Yes. He's been looking for you for a long time Bella. And if it's okay with you, I'd like it, if I could get to know you again. We all do."

I sighed, defeated. "It just doesn't work like that. I left for a reason Jasper."

"I know. Don't walk away Bella. Edward, I know he's done so much, but I know he still loves you Bella. He's gone mad, spending his days just hoping he'd find you."

His eyes met mine, pleading their case, arguing their warm caramel-colored argument. They drifted behind me and settled on the fireplace mantle.

"You kept it." He gasped, voice dripping with child-like joy.

I stood completely still as he walked up and reached above my shoulder, gripping the porcelain ornament with one large, nimble hand. He breathed out a sigh and I saw a flicker of some bittersweet emotion cross his face, only briefly. Our heads bowed together, observing the tiny prancing horse.

"Of course I did." I replied, and felt his warmth envelop me slowly, a familiar feeling of comfort and for a fleeting moment, -longing? I could have sworn that I saw his face move slowly towards mine until I heard another familiar voice at my door, Edward.

I looked into Jasper's eyes in panic. He knew I wasn't ready. He snaked his arm around my neck in the gentlest way, bringing his forehead close to my own.

"Don't be afraid." He whispered.

I closed my eyes. Jasper had never once expressed any sort of romantic interest in me before, and now I was fearing the possibility of a kiss while Edward stood outside of my door. The tingling sensation where his arm made contact with my neck, the chills were so inexplicable.

"Bella…I've missed you." He breathed softly onto my cheek. His arm withdrew from my neck and he ever so gently cupped my face. The cold pads of his fingers stroked my face and with one swoop he placed the kindest, most demure, whisper of a kiss onto my lips.


	5. Conundrum

**I am FOREVER grateful to all of the subscribers of this story even though I have been terrible about updating!! My schedule has slowed down considerably, and I am back on track!**

**Now I am literally going to BEG FOR REVIEWS. LOL. Please give me your feedback about things you like/dislike/how you feel!!! It motivates me!**

**As my "bribe" I will let each of my reviewers in on a sneak peek of Chapter 5!**

**Song to accompany the chapter: "Nobody" Kate Earl**

* * *

His lips were plump, soft, wet. I could feel the few hairs he had missed shaving this morning tickle my lower lip. I had done this a million times before. Fucking was easy. Kissing my ex-boyfriend's vampire pseudo-brother?

This was bloody hard.

It only took a second to realize the gravity of this moment. I was deeply engrossed in this man's lips on mine, the man that had raped me, granted the rape happened under somewhat uncontrolled circumstances. Still, this was most grandly fucked up. I licked my lips, tasting traces of Jasper's cherry chapstick, stepped back and caught my breath. His eyes twinkled and he smiled a little half-smile, palms still encircling my waist. My heart was tinged with the blues and reds of regret and excitement. Edward was still standing outside while I was playing demented high-school love story with his "brother."

A firm knock echoed through the flat, I could hear humming through the door. A little "Romeo and Juliet", one of Edward's favorite Tchaikovsky pieces. Jasper gave me a slight squeeze on my hip of encouragement before I padded over to the door, bracing for another dreaded hello. I was soon face to face with a man so familiar to me, staring at his porcelain face was a little like staring into my own reflection.

Not unlike Jasper, Edward stood awkwardly in the hall, finally looking up through his apologetic eyes with a simple "Hello." Jasper felt compelled to leave, gathering his jacket and sliding around Edward and I who stood in silence at the door.

Maybe it was the meds, but I certainly had the gumption and felt compelled to start, "Edward, before you say anything, I'm going to ask for time. I'm not ready for this right now."

"I…understand. We do have a lot to go through." He hesitated.

"No you don't understand, there's just a lot going through my head right now. Give me a little while. I can't guarantee it'll be a week or even a month, but I want to go through this right."

"Bella, just promise me you won't run again, promise me."

I stuck out my pinky finger as a gesture of peace, "I pinky swear."

He smiled, baring his perfectly white teeth, locking his own calloused pinky around mine.

We exchanged phone numbers, and before long, he was trotting down the hall towards the exit. For the first meeting in four years, it wasn't anything epic. We made a mutual exchange just as former friends would, courteous and brief. But his intentions were laid out on the table like an open book. I knew Edward was back in London to get me back.

I sat on my bed holding my head in my hands. Jasper had totally thrown me aback.

"What the fuuckkk?" I yelled into a pillow in frustration, melodramatic I know. Brief glimpses of his kiss rushed back to me, giving me goose bumps all along my arms. Whatever just happened could not happen again. Not ever again. I didn't know why, but it couldn't.

I trudged over to my closet. Maybe I'd take those last two jobs. I could make 2600 pounds in one night's time. Valery, "The Russian", wanted a little BDSM tonight for 600 pounds. It would be easy enough. Valery, though a ruggedly handsome man only pushing 50, could usually only withstand a good half-hour of spanks, muzzling, full-handed slaps to the face and a quick jerk off before passing out on me.

And more importantly, at 10:30 I had the opportunity to attend what was more appropriately called an orgy. Twice a year, London's very posh and snooty gathered about 30 minutes south of the city in a mansion owned by an anonymous billionaire simply know as "The Benefactor" who hosts the event. Women usually paraded around nude, bodies adorned with jewels, feathers and painted bright colors in peacock fashion, faces obscured with equally elaborate masks. The painted bodies were to prevent a "marked woman," or a woman with smudged paint from the hands of a man, from being with another that night. Basically, they didn't want these whores messing around at an orgy, who knew huh? The point of the orgy was to find a "mate" throughout the night and engage or observe erotic displays of affection. I was fucking ecstatic.

Was it my last hurrah? Perhaps. I wracked my brain with all the possible ways Edward or Jasper could find me out. They couldn't…they wouldn't. Shit I had to stop soon.

* * *

Valery was quick as I had expected, after a good hard slap on his Eastern European ass, he came all over himself sputtering in incomprehensible Russian nonsense. I left the hotel laughing a hearty laugh.

Onward to my next challenge.

I arrived at Howell's a quarter past eight to get painted and outfitted in fabulousness. I stripped down to my birthday suit and she tickled me with her tiny brushes, stippling and stroking away on the surfaces of my breasts and stomach. She covered my body with beautiful swirls of edible white and cream paint into the form a corset and panties onto my midsection, adding a feathered "tail." My mask was simple, made out of white rose petals and black feathers around the eyes. She added a perfectly coral-tangerine lip gloss to my pout and dubbed me "The Swan" in one final artistic huff. Original, I know.

I arrived at the mansion a few past eleven in my get-up and my best fuck-me heels. The mask tickled my nose a bit, but Howell insisted I looked stunning and I went along with it. I roamed the halls of the main floor, and it seemed people had already paired off, stroking and fornicating as they pleased. Moans and grunts filled the air, men and women were atop the surfaces swathed in the finest silks and velvets, fucking. I sat down upon a lush chenille-covered chair in a secluded corner with a vodka tonic, wanting to do some research before I made my choice for the night.

"Shocked by it all as well I assume?" A smooth, proper British voice inquired almost condescendingly. I looked up and saw a man robed impeccably in Armani and a phantom mask, holding a glass of good whiskey. God, I was starting to abhor this type.

"No, not quite. I'm getting what I came for." I said with a courteous-enough grin.

"Well, if you ask me they're all animals, and I don't even know why I came."

"Why don't you leave then if you're so above it all?"

"The question is ma'am, why haven't you?" His voice turned. The accent was gone. The well-dressed man had lost his cool, upper-crust British accent and it had transformed into a slow drawl.

"You've transformed quite beautifully, but you've always been my ugly duckling"

"Jasper?"

He didn't flinch. He was going to play this one out. I stood up to walk away and he grabbed me roughly, smudging the paint on my back. I was done for.

I turned around in anger, "What the hell are you doing here Jasper? Have you been following me?"

"I should ask you the same-"

Our argument was interrupted by the echo of a baritone voice announcing "The Benefactor's" entrance. He stood atop the stage in the center of the room, thanking the participants for coming.

"And following tradition, I'd like to announce my choice for the night, the fair swan and the phantom!"

A roar of applause and whoops consumed the room and I thought about running out of there. "The Benefactor's" choice meant only one thing, we had to "perform" for everyone on the main stage. Jasper looked confused for a moment, and leaned down and whispered into my ear in a state of panic, "What do we do?"

"How the hell should I know?" I smiled and yelled over the crowd through gritted teeth.

Two delectably curvaceous girls wearing nothing but burgundy tassels and heels grabbed each of our hands, leading us up onto the stage. Jasper's composure was still impeccable, but his eyes were in a state of panic beneath his mask. My hourglass-figured escort introduced herself as Rosalie, and kissed me on my neck and jaw once we were on stage. The sensual smell of vanilla and sandalwood assaulted my senses as she cupped my breasts, massaging each one delicately. I heard the crowd cheer but I realized it wasn't for me.

Jasper was being unrobed, piece by ridiculously expensive piece. His escort placed kisses on his chest, licking and feeling between each rippled pack on his toned stomach. The crowd was wild, and I could see him clenching and unclenching his fist while she kissed him, a nervous habit he'd had since high school.

She had just made it past unbuckling his belt and unzipping his pants with her mouth when I started to feel a twinge of jealousy building in my chest. _Hmph, skank._

Maybe my memory had served me wrong, but Jasper was packing some fucking heat.

I felt my whole body stiffen as Rosalie clasped her fingers around mine again, and led me to Jasper. Our escorts swooped in beside us, exchanging a passionate open-mouthed kiss. They writhed underneath each other's touch, each caress evoking sexy little moans. They broke away and looked at us with innocent, doe eyes, beckoning us to do the same.

I stood frozen. Jasper was very naked, very hard and looking very bashful. Both of us stood like stiff wooden figures on stage for what felt like an eternity.

That's when I felt his touch. Feather-like and gentle, he ran his hands up the curve of my hips, down to my inner thighs. I could feel myself get wet for him. He closed his eyes and allowed his hands to rake over my body, just feeling, examining. It felt like he was trying to memorize every detail, every nuance, tracing my curves over and over with his fingers. He brought his hands up to my shoulders all of sudden, gripping them tight and bringing me closer to him roughly. I could feel his dick pulsating between us, hard and cold against my stomach. I could tell he was holding back.

I knew inside that Jasper took what he wanted, and he was restraining himself.

I shakily brought a hand up to his chest, placing my palm over his heart.

"Jasper…" I had done this before, so many times before, but never with a man who once raped me.

He brought his silken lips down to my cheek, my forehead, my neck, my collar bone all at once. It eased my nerves, and he laid me down onto the bed. I could hear shuffling all around us and my own heartbeat. He massaged my breasts tenderly, and leaned down to catch each tender nipple in his mouth, gentle and firm all at once with his juicy lips.

My breath hitched when he made his descent lower, and I felt my body tremble as his nimble mouth moved around my belly button and down to my hipbones. The once immaculate paint that Howell had expertly applied were smudged with Jasper sized hands and lips, but that was the last thing on my mind.

He looked up at me through those lustful hooded eyes, wanting more. "Is this okay?" He asked in a slight twang.

This was hardly the time to be asking such a question. I nodded a little fearfully.

He licked my inner thighs with slow deliberate strokes, and I could help but spread them a little further apart. My brain was screaming "slut" and my pussy could care less.

He stopped.

I felt nothing for what felt like an eternity and suddenly he flicked my clit with the tip of his pink-tipped tongue and I just about lost it. I arched my back and moaned in pleasure, hair splayed wildly out on the bed, hands gripping fistfuls of silk as he gave my pussy one languid lick up and down. He slid a single finger into my wet folds, stretching me a bit and finding my g-spot with precision. He slid his finger over the little nub gently and I was mewling underneath his touch. It was fireworks, explosions -every dirty description of what I read sex was supposed to be like in the smutty romance novels I read in my spare time.

He pushed his wild locks back while leaving wet swirls of kisses on my stomach, groaning in lust. It was the sexiest sight I had seen in a long time.

"Fuck you're tight." He drawled lazily pushing a second finger in, I felt my breathing get heavier and my head get a little lighter. He moved his attention back to my clit, moving his fingers in and out of me in conjunction with his mouth.

I closed my eyes and let the sensations from Jasper and the vodka wash over me, my orgasm building its tension in the pit of my stomach. This was release at its finest. After a few hundred years of pleasing women, I had to give it to him, the boy did know how to please a bitch.

"Fuck Jasper…I'm so wet," His fingers were sliding in and out of me messily.

"Are you wet for me Bella? "

"Yes. Just for you." I replied without any thought.

"Let go, let go." He pleaded with me quickening his pace.

With his tongue still on my glistening clit, he hit my g-spot with those beautiful thick fingers. My muscles clamped tight, fucking his fingers into oblivion, yelling obscenities that would surely send me to hell along with Jasper. He kissed me full on my mouth immediately, pulling away and licking his wet fingers clean looking me dead in the eye. My body was flushed, and I wiped the sweat off my brow to look up to see his dick staring back at me at attention.

I motioned slightly with my shaky hands, still reeling from my orgasm, asking Jasper to scoot closer to my face.

He silently hung his head and shook it "no," scooting away from me slowly. If anyone was supposed to be ashamed or scared, it was supposed to be me. He had just fucking eaten me out and _now_ he was acting bashful? I sat up on my knees and brought my hands up to his chest, searching his eyes for some semblance of the Jasper I once knew.

"Jasper," I solemnly stated, "I forgive- I forgave you. You're a good person. I trust you."

He covered my hands with his own and squeezed them, "I don't deserve your trust Bella. I'm a monster."

We were not going to have this conversation here, in the middle of an orgy, naked.

I turned around quickly and made an announcement "Ladies he's all mine! We're going to go somewhere a little more private for the main attraction if you know what I mean."

I couldn't help but notice that most of the patrons were otherwise engaged and could probably care less about our absence from the party.

"Let's get out of here." Jasper exclaimed a little loudly.

We made a mad dash for the front door, Jasper comically pulling on his pants while stumbling and hopping into each leg, and me trying to close my trench coat to cover my smudged paint and exposed nipples. We made our escape onto a dimly lit garden terrace walking towards the driveway, the air outside smelled clean and floral, not musty and smoky like the city.

"I can drive you home if you'd like Bella," Jasper sighed as he unlocked his vintage Lamborghini.

"Sure, are you feeling alright?" I replied opening the passenger side door.

He leaned over the hood of his car, holding his head in his hands, "How are you okay with this?"

"What?"

"Don't play dumb with me Isabella, I know you're smarter than that."

"Jasper, can we please talk about it when we get home. Please?"

With that he got into the car and started the engine. The whole drive home was silent and awkward, with only the sound of rain to keep me company. A furious storm had floated over London and Jasper and I were stuck in yet another bout of traffic only 6 blocks away from home.

"Do you still think about the past?" Jasper inquired innocuously, eyes fixated on the road.

"I do…a lot." I replied slowly.

"What sorts of things?"

I looked down at my hands, tears sprung to my eyes for no particular reason. I hated thinking about this shit.

"About you, about Edward. About how all of us used to be," I tried to be as vague as possible, for my sake really.

Jasper let out a sigh and stopped the car; we had arrived at my place.

I hurriedly gathered my belongings and reached for the handle, "Thanks for the ride Jasper."

I stepped out into the torrential storm and ran up to my front step to wave goodbye. _Please leave, please leave, please leave._ I had become a pro at avoiding my problems by now.

Instead of waving goodbye back at me, Jasper set his precious Lambo into park in the middle of the road and rushed after me. My trench was soaking wet by now and the paint was started to drip down my legs onto the sidewalk beneath me.

"Tell me. Am I the reason that you do what you do?" He yelled over the sound of passing cars and the rushing raindrops.

He knew.

He pushed back the wet blonde tendrils clinging to his jaw and frowned. By now his suit was drenched too, thousands of dollars worth of wet silk and pima cotton threatening to expose each and every muscle on his body.

"Am I Bella?" He asked again, a bit more softly this time, his voice cracking.

And then I did something supremely awful, although it didn't feel so awful, maybe it wasn't awful? It was without thought nonetheless.

I couldn't think of anything else to do, so I kissed him.

* * *

**PLEASSE REVIEWWW THE LEMONNNN! It's my first extensive one! (I'm a virgin teehee.)**


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